amato

MEENA!

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 19:59:53 GMT

Dear Meena,
I am alive and well in Indiana. Lot's of corn and cows. Hope everyone is doin well.

Tuck Me In, Please?

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 08:42:29 GMT

Thank you for listening to me when my life got too heavy for me to carry. But I'll pass the next time you offer your shoulder. Oh and "it's so comforting" and I'm lying to myself. Because comfortable can only last for so long. It's like that blanket you got when you were three. It's fourteen years later and it never lays across your body the way it used to. I always thought I wanted you by my side. As if you were someone important to my survival. But I'm not too sure how much longer I can sleep with this blanket. Cause it lost it's comfort long before I let you know that it was ever comfortable to begin with.

It's No Problem At All

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 08:05:07 GMT

I've got a few minutes before I pass out cause I'm a little tired. Don't worry, I'll move momentarily, I just need to get some shit off my chest. Cause every night I go to bed thinking and feeling that I keep you around cause you're all that I've got. And this feeling comes from the center of my chest and it revolves around this one central idea of the thought that you're actually someone that might save me. But you're not cause you're so far from me. And I'm fucking tired. I haven't gotten a decent amount of sleep since the new year started. Cause this is always on my mind and I'm getting sick of pretending for the sake of keeping you around. And this was my best front but my worst feeling. The truth is I just don't need you. Whatever. I just want some sleep without thinking about this. Oh forget it, it's not important. I'll just make up the time I spent caring about you by sleeping in tomorrow morning.

A Stop Sign Has Eight Sides

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 02:44:10 GMT

I got up and left today. I started my car and put it in reverse to never go forward again. And I began to erase everything I've been through when I passed your face several times. So I watched your life from where I was and I watched you slip through the cracks that life gave you. I watched you die and I noticed how I couldn't do anything for you. How I didn't want to. Because I was never a part of your life. I never wanted to be. But I had to keep going, I had to. And I did. I left you there to die. But I promise you, that one day I'll stop this car and I'll get out. Not to live what I already lived but to change the past. I'll save you, I promise.

The Let Go Conversation

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 21:56:13 GMT

I spent about an hour today deleting every single LJ post. Now I'm just going to post like "poetry" or whatever you want to call it, that I write from time to time. Feel free to comment, I don't care.

"The Let Go Conversation"

I do these things and I act like I can't change. As if I didn't want to change. And I get too caught up in the games I play. I put you down when you're not around to make myself feel better. But when I think about it hard enough, I just don't mean any of it. But what's the point in ever trying? June comes too fast and I forget too easily. And I refuse to let you know that what you're capable of giving to me means the world to me because you don't understand how big the world is. And all I've got are these flaws that I am incapable of changing. So for that I bring it upon myself to make it a note everyday to hurt you in some regrettable way. But what's the point in ever trying? Because I can't change and you still find ways to be unforgettable to me.